Cooking School Journal: Reality


I feel like I am so far behind. And the truth is, I am. Not just in my cooking school journal, my class assignments, my own recipe-testing but in my life.  You should see the laundry pile, and Hannah’s closet, and my fridge, and my pantry, and the half-demolished guest bathroom and the list that the CPA made for me. It detailed all the of the things that I need to get to him by tomorrow to file our personal taxes… which are already 4 months overdue.

Meanwhile, my living room is perfect. Like a museum. The front of the house is perfectly manicured. Just in case anyone should show up at my door unannounced. The deliverymen are always impressed. However, behind the facade is my reality.

Mommy where are my water wings? Mommy I want some juice.  Mommy I’m hungry. Mommy I need some glue. Mommy where’s the glue? Mommy, Hannah dumped the glue all over the sofa. It wasn’t me. Mommy I’m bored. Mommy can I go on-line to Mommy I think you and I need to talk about my schedule next Fall. Mommy? I need some toilet paper. Mommy I don’t like Parano cheese. Is there any Parmesan? Mommy. Lilly’s bugging me. She keeps saying things too loudly. Mommy? Lucy never answers me. Mommy? Can you come here? Mommy… my hand hurts. I think I broke it on the “whack a mole” at Chuck E. Cheese. Mommy? How many tickets did we win?  Why is it never enough to get the good prizes? Mommy? I’m really thirsty. I’m so thirsty. Mom I’m so thirsty I think I’m going to die. Owww! Hannah bit me! Mom??????? Where are we?  When ARE WE GOING TO BE HOME? I’m so thirsty. I’m so thirsty too. I think I’m going to die. Mom I want to take Hip Hop. Can I Take Hip Hop? I want to take Jazz. Can I take Jazz? I’m hungry. Lilly keeps touching me. Mommy Hannah has gum in her hair, and I didn’t have anything to do with it. Oh mom, it’s bad. I’m sorry. Wow. I’m glad it wasn’t me. I think you’re gonna have to cut it out. Wow.

And that was just the last 90 minutes of my life… the charmed life of a stay-at-home mom.

You can’t even think, however, you’re in charge of the survival and well-being of yourself and three people who go out of their way to put themselves in the path of every danger they can find.

Why are you talking to that stranger? What are you nuts? He could take you, dye your hair and be over the border before sunset!

Don’t play hide and seek here! We’re at the Farmer’s Market. There are homeless people everywhere. Are you nuts?

Grab my hand! We always grab hands before crossing Fairfax! What are you nuts?

Don’t touch that knife!

Put down that vase!

Don’t suck on that plug!!!!!!!!!

Give the cleaver to mommy.