Wow. The last month has been intense. I have three saved drafts in my e-mail folder that either suck, or I just couldn’t finish because I was too busy. This may be number four since the girls are in the den calling each other names. Nothing says ‘let’s talk about food’ like the ambient noise of a five year-old calling her sister a “big giant dog poop”. Nice.

Obviously, I am a great mom.

The last month has been tiring but great.

July 19 –Appetizers

Fun class. We prepared several appetizer recipes from our textbooks.

Smoked Salmon Mousse in Cucumber Cups topped with caviar-My big faux pas… “Do you have to put the caviar on at the very end so that it doesn’t bleed?” sounding so official. “This caviar will not bleed. Only cheap caviar bleeds because it is dyed black.”  (Imagine scowling gaze now).  I ate three.

Shrimp toasts-those yummy things you have at dim sum. Shrimp, ginger, onion, egg white to bind, put on white bread… dipped in breadcrumbs and deep-fried. I ate about four hundred of these. Each one bathed lavishly in a pineapple sweet and sour sauce.  I had to unbutton my XL cargo pants. Nice.

Southwestern quiche-I know. She originally called this creation “Taquitos”, but the name change allowed her to charge twice as much per bite. Personally, I think she could change the name of this appetizer to “George” and still make money. They are basically custard…egg, heavy cream, Monterey jack and chiles baked in crispy tortilla cups… topped with a dollop of guac or salsa or sour cream. Oh my GOD! They were amazing.  I want to do one with crab, corn, jack and green chiles. I could top it with anything… you’ll die. They made them with smoked chicken and roasted pepper topped with guac. Even though I’m not a fan of smoked chicken, they were really amazing.  I wish I was in that group. I ate 22.

Blinis-those little Russian pancakes. They are usually topped with caviar. Home-schooler made them and somehow she messed  the whole thing up. *hee hee*. They were like little flattened lead balloons topped with caviar and creme fraiche. Bummer. But since my pants were already unbuttoned, I had 47.

Alice and I made spring rolls and shu mai.

Most of you know how passionate I am about my shu mai. These were great. Chef even praised my assembly. Yeah, I know, stop the presses. I ate 20 of each.

The weird extra recipe from the book was the “Mini Reuben”. Sauerkraut, Russian dressing and corned beef on Rye grilled in butter (of course) and cut into bite sizes speared with toothpicks.  As Lance and John grilled and plated them, I glanced over and laughed to myself arrogantly. They looked so “home-style”, not at all fussy like the rest of our bites.

I ate 12 of them.

Jesus! They were the best thing I’ve ever eaten.

When I came home… pants now unbuttoned and unzipped (luckily I wasn’t pulled over), I felt so disgusting.  Mom and Joe feasted on the leftovers (less than a dozen bites between them). I glared at them.  How could they eat so much?

All of my calories for 2004 were consumed that night, so I swore I would never eat again.

Well, at least until breakfast.

Jules